the night is young... ohhh so young...

so... I normally never stay up this late. I like to go to bed. I like to get up early. But I slept in this morning (9:00), so I figured why ruin a good thing? Not that anyone will read this. I haven't written in two years. but I was recently inspired.

It is a bitter-sweet writing. There's been a lot happening in my life . God is moving. He always is. It's funny to know that He is, He always it, but to finally sit back and reflect on where and how and why! God, the author, the creator. I sing these songs and never realize half of what I'm saying.

I came back from my trip to Ireland changed. I am so excited! Change really excites me. Once again, I guess it caused me to say 'hey, God! wow you're moving. You were moving, you were moving before I was moving. So you're changing me. Only if I'm willing!'

I'm starting something really exciting. Like I said. Exciting. I am so excited to go back to school. I'm so excited to 'know' more about God. I sometimes struggle with the knowing. Because I know knowing is only half as great as being with. I sometimes get distracted with the knowing.

so here's a few excerpts from e-mails and testimonies of late.

E-mail to a friend to describe some of my trip:

"Yes I just returned from Northern Ireland. I was there for 5 weeks. I went with 13 others from my church and we connected with a group from Youth for Christ and helped out with some sports camps and some drop-ins, which basically is a building for the youth to come and hang-out. We had a chance to share testimonies and hear what it's like to live in N. Ireland. It's intense because of the Catholic/Protestant fights. The intense times ended in the late 90s but people are still very angry and prejudice. The youth carry some of this, especially evident in the rapidly declining church attendance, and significant numbers of drinking and drugs.

Anyways, I stayed on after my team left to continue work with YFC. This time I led a team. YFC is an international org based out of Colorado and every summer they send young adults to 100 locations around the world to connect and help out with churches there, called Summer Serve. We had 39 Americans (and a few Canadians) join us. They were divided into 6 drop-in locations that have been happening year round. I took a team of 10 and for two weeks we ran kid's camps and a drop-in. So similar stuff, except this time I was leading. I knew before I went to N. Ireland that I was supposed to stay, but I wasn't sure how... and I found out about summer serve, so that was that! I arrived and found out I'd be leading it! But it was awesome to see how God prepared me for that from the weeks before and other stuff I've done. It was hard. really hard. but it was the seeds and the fruit God had planted and grown. We saw hearts soften. We heard stories that changed people. And it was God moving. It was God everywhere."

Part of my testimony from my application for my Master's:

"I returned home with a strong calling to begin school in fall. During the year I had continually prayed and thought about a counseling program, and finally, after looking at the programs, I felt led to begin the Master’s in Ministry and Leadership. Although I am unsure as to the career outcome, I trust God to direct me in this program and to open the doors to where He wants to use me. I am excited to begin this next chapter in my life, and would be thrilled if this was a part of it."

I feel so sure sure that I want to go into ministry and I know God's been leading me through different circumstances and doors.

Which brings me to another funny point. I have never been so content. I mean, it's always been a struggle for me, to be content. I'm always waiting to do the next best thing. I love adventure. I loved 'planned' spontaneity. I'm really starting to realize that if I give my entire life, every part to God, I won't ever have to worry about adventure. Even if it's adventure that's at home. I just pray that I'll have enough courage. Contentedness comes from relationships too. It's always been interesting to me to think that there's love. I sometimes have trouble really believing in true love. But the more I get to know God, the more I'm like, 'hey relationship. That's what it's all about.' That's not my idea. I just want to be in relationship. And not the fake kind. It's hard learning how to really love people. I fought with my sister today. I rarely fight with her anymore, but it made me realize that I really love her. I love people. I want to be in relationship. Real relationship. and then of course... there's 'lovey-dovey' relationship. ahhh... this is frustrating. I have a lot of anger towards the thing that's it's become. It kind of hurts my heart. And then when I'm upset about it, I close-up. but... then I know that there's a deep relationship. A heart relationship that is like none other. And that heart relationship is like my life line for any other relationship. So if there's hope for my God-relationship, I guess there's hope for other relationships.

I'm rambling. I think that's it. Ha.. it's past my bed-time. I'll guess I'll have to sleep in tomorrow. ohh the vicious cycle.

Mel

Hope

The Anthill Ashes

When life lies down
on the song of a bird
The resurrection
returns my name
And I break
the brakes of senses
To taste
the steady pain

My cross is nailed
into me
I pity the fingers
that scourge my face
The minutes
hurry the hours
The hours
hurry the days

The loyal faces
approach
And run along
with every summer
Beside the flooded feet
of love
The hardened lives
are turning numb

Between my feet
against the wind
My words will cascade
through the strife
But if inside my eyes
you see the flying geese
The ropes will pause
the next worn life

The seasoned time
has buried signs
And swings like a branch
above a lost sandal
I step inside
the ant hill ashes
Becoming new
and larger ant hill

This painting and poem is by a beautiful little girl named Akiane. She has an amazing testimony and is a child prodigy in art and poetry. Visit her website www.artakiane.com

I often arrive here when I am moved. It's been an interesting past month and a half. Life has had many moments. I have absolutely loved the variety of my job but I have come home in tears after a few. It has been exciting and I love walking into a new environment everyday. That's why I'm not sure I could ever teach the same classes 10 months straight. I love the quick intro games and get-to-know you games. I love introducing myself for the first time and helping the kids remember my name. :) I love that I bought a neon yellow whistle so that I could teach PE. I love that I have stuck through a few of the days and classes that I'm not sure I could normally have.

I am continually questioning the education system however. I love learning, and I know I am mostly successful in managing the class. However the learning part on behalf of the students I feel, leaves a lot to be desired. I know I'm only a sub but I feel like there are so many ways to learn outside of the classroom and kids just get stuffed into these classrooms and half the class is wasted on managing others kids' behavior or learning problems. I am not sure where my hope lies in the learning. I really do enjoy challenges and reading and studying... but how much more do I learn through experience?

I am so excited to be learning more right now through reading. I have honestly never read so much in my life! I have read fiction and non-fiction. I am keeping a list... (surprise!) of the books I have read and the books I want to read. I can learn so much in a short period of time, spending little-to-no money from books! I am at the library a lot! It is interesting: on my days off this summer I would drive into town (Kelowna) and one of my favorite places to go was Chapters. I loved going and reading and even just looking through the books. It was so peaceful there. I was often on my own on my day off and I didn't want to stay around camp for the day or go to the mall. I am particularly interested in Christian history. My next goal is to go to bible school.

I am filled with emotion as of late. I guess that means a lot of things. I tear up or cry at everything! Life is so moving. I never thought I would! We have so much hope. I am so confident in Jesus and who he is. I find my biggest struggle is wanting all of these great character qualities but I get so distracted I lose focus of what's most important. Relationship, relationship, relationship. The thing that is the most hardest in life is the most valuable.

Well, my ramblings have come to a close. I am not much of a writer when it comes to the inner expressions. I find it is so hard to get it on paper. But I suppose that is a brief synopsis of my life right now.

Psalm 130:7
O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.

Matthew 12:21
In his name the nations will put their hope."

Melanie Out

A Good Night

I just got home from visiting Evie tonight.

Seriously, long lost best friends reunited. I spent my time in "Kevie's" (Kevin and Evie) newly made over basement suite. I think I said about three times "oh... newly married couple." And Kevin's whole aim was to make me awkward. I didn't fall for any of it. I embraced it. I think I've been worn down. I can handle a lot more. Maybe I should become a nurse.

God is cool. I was listening to my ipod and an instrumental version of "The first Noel" came on. I don't know why, but I teared up. It moved me. Jesus came to earth so fragile and clothed in humility. So good. God is good!

And so good night!
Mel Out

Small Town Saskatchewan

Trip to visit Grandma Woseley:

My mom, sister, brother and I drove East to visit my grandma two weeks ago in her little Saskatchewan town. It was fantastic. A long drive... but here are some real life musing about the event:

I saw a "foxy grandma" bumper sticker. I told Grandma I'd get her one so she could cruise around town and people would love her. She said "well, foxes are smart."

We stayed at my mom's friend's house built in some early part of the last century. The lady was away that weekend but she left 9 pairs of glasses lying around!

We watched Over the Hedge. This was my favorite quote from Verne the turtle.

My head says listen to my tail, my tail says listen to my head, and I just... end up with an upset stomach.

Hammy the 'Rabid' Squirrel

We were about to take a walk and while waiting for my sister, I convinced my mom to hide behind behind a bush with me to scare my sister. Tracy walks up, I jump out. My mom looks up about 20 seconds later yells 'boo!' It was fantastic! We teased her about her delayed reaction.

This weekend we got to find our more about my Grandpa who fought in WWII. We listened to an interview between a newscaster researching my Grandpa's life and his interview with my Grandma and a gentleman from England that fought with my Grandpa. It was really interesting. My Grandpa fought a Lancaster plane and won a DFC- Distinguished Flying Cross for one of his missions.A Distinguished Flying Cross

The cross is awarded to officers and Warrant Officers for an act or acts of valour, courage or devotion to duty performed whilst flying in active operations against the enemy. The slip-on bar has an eagle in the centre. The year of the award is engraved on the reverse.

We were so popular in Grandma's town, the newspaper wrote about our visit. (Apparently this is the norm in small town Sask.)

We drove through Medicine Hat on our way. I was thrilled because I had lived here during my first teaching practicum. I felt compelled to be the tour guide for my family. They 'loved' it (ha!) when I shared all of my knowledge...

and so this concludes another real life adventure.

Mel Out

Last Class Bash

We are America's Next Top Models

Final Semester Top 10

1. Breakforth: running through downtown Edmonton at night, taco salad in hotel room, making best friends with the concierge, stopping to visit Mike in Airdrie!, Starfield, visiting Evie's Ukrainian Aunt Dahria who feeds us and shows us their train kingdom

Starfield in the flesh!

2. Barenaked Ladies Concert. We got in for free by working at the World Vision booth. This was fantastic! It was an amazing concert- they are so entertaining. I would even pay money to see them.. and that says a lot.

3. My house. We moved in February 3rd. This house is amazing. Even my nursery bedroom was fantastic. Our gas fireplace (which is not up to code), was a highlight too. We walked everywhere downtown. This included Spudnuts. This little doughnut shop is two blocks away from our house. They have amazing cupcakes.

4. Watching LOST! We watch it on Evie's Laptop. This show cannot keep me in my seat.

5. RCM Grade 8 Voice Exam. I honestly loved taking voice lessons and would love to take the next exam. la la la...

6. Evie's Engagement. Evie's Hollywood Themed Bridal Shower.

7. Working out at the gym: this includes running around the new track! and skipping with Lindsey around the track. It also includes basketball and badminton. I never did get to the climbing wall.


8. Recitals!
Mary-Ann's Philippines Mission Trip Fundraiser: We put on an afternoon of Tea and Tunes. We presented a delightful musical gala. Songs included 'Three Little Maids From School' From the Mikado. Mary-Ann, Evie and I sang this song as a parallel to our lives.
Deanna's and Melinda's Recitals.

9. Vietnamese food, Ric's Grill, Coffee, coffee coffee.

10. Living with Evie and Mary-Ann. This includes short red house coats.

I have these girls in the palm of my hands

Final Semester Bottom 10

1. Expensive Utility Bills

2. Almost getting run over by a truck on University Drive.

3. Wedding magazines. I never want to see one again in my life.

4. Speeding tickets.



5. MSW LOGOS. Seriously, who uses this?! stupid 'turtle'

6. Mondays. Mondays were very long days. Strange things happen on Mondays.

7. Dishes. I have never washed so many dishes in my life. This was the semester for dishes.

8. Lack of motivation. I don't really care about these 'bird' classes... but then again I really do! Classes were painful. This is a studying session. Clearly Starbucks enlightened us.

9. 10. well... that's it. I guess I've blocked 9 and 10. Pretty good.


Mel Out

A Dog named 'Needle'

I was going to write this post in Hindi, as this is now an option in Blogger, but I thought I'd better consider my English speaking friends first.

So, this post is dedicated to my dog, CODY. No, he is not dead, and no, his name is not needle. But this weekend I had a new experience. Some of you may or may not know, but Cody was recently diagnosed with diabetes. Who knew?! So now, this 'gold' dog, as my dad likes to call him, gets insulin shots twice a day with a strict diet. No chopped liver for him. My mom decided that this weekend would be a good time for me to learn how to give him a shot. I am no veterinarian... nor am I a dog whisperer. It is quite the process... needless to say, my mom ended up taking over. Who wants to stab a needle in a dog?

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not afraid to do it. I pride myself in doing 'manly' jobs around the house... killing spiders, doing manual labor like lifting our hatch door, which weighs a gazillion tons, hanging lights on our 9 foot ceiling... However, injecting a little dog with a needle takes talent. I mean, I think it is a valuable skill to learn. I mean, druggies do it everyday. People needing epi-pens. Giving or taking blood. But no one said it would be easy.

So until my next needle lesson...

Cheers to Cody! He has survived a lot. He has survived a lot of self-inflicted trauma, BUT he has come out resilient. And he is still a smart cookie. I taught him his tricks with cheerios: lay down, dead dog, dead dog to 'bang,' shake a paw, high five, jump, putting food in front of him and making him wait to eat it, and much, much more.

Thanks CODY, for many a happy time. You truly are man's best friend.

Roasting Sticks and Crosses

Ahh! The injustice of it all!

Have you ever had one those awful, climatic points in your life where it feels like you are being roasted alive on a stick? Yesterday was my moment. What a roast.

• This is how it all began...
  

I took the opportunity to try out the 'shorter' way home for Easter. It would have been shorter. It probably would have been faster. I probably would have had a nice relaxing drive home, signed the Vulcan guest book etc etc... BUT I GOT PULLED OVER!

I noticed a lot of cops out, so I made sure to watch my speed. I came up over a hill however, and saw two cop cars with someone else they had pulled over in between them. I slowed down... and as the image began to fade away in my rear-view mirror, I saw a flash of lights. I pulled over. Out comes this swanky cop. I honestly had no idea why he had stopped me. He asks for my license and insurance and gives my a short blurb... I look up and ask, "what did you say?!" Basically he told me I had been going 80 past a flashing emergency vehicle. The speed is supposed to be 60. I said, 'What?! I didn't know that!"

He came back, handed my the stupid yellow speeding ticket. I looked at it: "$280!!! Where is this law? Is it in the driving manual? I didn't know about this law." He told me it was this new law made up in Fall 2005. He told me I could argue it in court. His face was stone cold.

Of all things, he walks away and what do I say? 'Thank you.' You know, I was one of those stupid people who say thank you to a cop for giving them a ticket. I am too freakin' polite.

I didn't cry then right then. However, it certainly built up to be my emotional release of the month. I cried in my car for the next hour home. My mom would have told me to pull over and cry. It wasn't just the ticket. It was life. One of those awful moments where you feel like all you've been doing is trying your hardest. Things finally come unraveled. These are the most painful moments. You invest so much into life, and then it all seems to ca-puts. It might sound overly dramatic, but I am ok with that.

• Revelation on Pain and Suffering

Sometimes we joke about being too emotional- but if we can show all of our joy, why not show all of our pain? Pain just shows that we feel. We have felt and lived life. It is the Easter Holiday- and as we remember Christ on the cross- we see God our Father, who loves us beyond reason. His deepest expression of love was in his deepest experience of pain.

• Picture

I was looking through a friend's album on facebook once. She had just arrived in a foreign country for the next month. She took a picture of herself crying. It stuck with me. I had my camera handy, so I took a picture of myself. The tears had ceased for the moment. The picture says a thousand words, or at least a couple hundred...

• Happy Easter!

I am back on the road. Alive and kicking. Life is good. I take it moment by moment through God's grace. I have a smile on my face. The sun is shining... the wind is at my back!