It is a bitter-sweet writing. There's been a lot happening in my life . God is moving. He always is. It's funny to know that He is, He always it, but to finally sit back and reflect on where and how and why! God, the author, the creator. I sing these songs and never realize half of what I'm saying.
I came back from my trip to Ireland changed. I am so excited! Change really excites me. Once again, I guess it caused me to say 'hey, God! wow you're moving. You were moving, you were moving before I was moving. So you're changing me. Only if I'm willing!'
I'm starting something really exciting. Like I said. Exciting. I am so excited to go back to school. I'm so excited to 'know' more about God. I sometimes struggle with the knowing. Because I know knowing is only half as great as being with. I sometimes get distracted with the knowing.
so here's a few excerpts from e-mails and testimonies of late.
E-mail to a friend to describe some of my trip:
"Yes I just returned from Northern Ireland. I was there for 5 weeks. I went with 13 others from my church and we connected with a group from Youth for Christ and helped out with some sports camps and some drop-ins, which basically is a building for the youth to come and hang-out. We had a chance to share testimonies and hear what it's like to live in N. Ireland. It's intense because of the Catholic/Protestant fights. The intense times ended in the late 90s but people are still very angry and prejudice. The youth carry some of this, especially evident in the rapidly declining church attendance, and significant numbers of drinking and drugs.
Anyways, I stayed on after my team left to continue work with YFC. This time I led a team. YFC is an international org based out of Colorado and every summer they send young adults to 100 locations around the world to connect and help out with churches there, called Summer Serve. We had 39 Americans (and a few Canadians) join us. They were divided into 6 drop-in locations that have been happening year round. I took a team of 10 and for two weeks we ran kid's camps and a drop-in. So similar stuff, except this time I was leading. I knew before I went to N. Ireland that I was supposed to stay, but I wasn't sure how... and I found out about summer serve, so that was that! I arrived and found out I'd be leading it! But it was awesome to see how God prepared me for that from the weeks before and other stuff I've done. It was hard. really hard. but it was the seeds and the fruit God had planted and grown. We saw hearts soften. We heard stories that changed people. And it was God moving. It was God everywhere."
Part of my testimony from my application for my Master's:
"I returned home with a strong calling to begin school in fall. During the year I had continually prayed and thought about a counseling program, and finally, after looking at the programs, I felt led to begin the Master’s in Ministry and Leadership. Although I am unsure as to the career outcome, I trust God to direct me in this program and to open the doors to where He wants to use me. I am excited to begin this next chapter in my life, and would be thrilled if this was a part of it."
I feel so sure sure that I want to go into ministry and I know God's been leading me through different circumstances and doors.
Which brings me to another funny point. I have never been so content. I mean, it's always been a struggle for me, to be content. I'm always waiting to do the next best thing. I love adventure. I loved 'planned' spontaneity. I'm really starting to realize that if I give my entire life, every part to God, I won't ever have to worry about adventure. Even if it's adventure that's at home. I just pray that I'll have enough courage. Contentedness comes from relationships too. It's always been interesting to me to think that there's love. I sometimes have trouble really believing in true love. But the more I get to know God, the more I'm like, 'hey relationship. That's what it's all about.' That's not my idea. I just want to be in relationship. And not the fake kind. It's hard learning how to really love people. I fought with my sister today. I rarely fight with her anymore, but it made me realize that I really love her. I love people. I want to be in relationship. Real relationship. and then of course... there's 'lovey-dovey' relationship. ahhh... this is frustrating. I have a lot of anger towards the thing that's it's become. It kind of hurts my heart. And then when I'm upset about it, I close-up. but... then I know that there's a deep relationship. A heart relationship that is like none other. And that heart relationship is like my life line for any other relationship. So if there's hope for my God-relationship, I guess there's hope for other relationships.
I'm rambling. I think that's it. Ha.. it's past my bed-time. I'll guess I'll have to sleep in tomorrow. ohh the vicious cycle.
Mel
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